Great Expectations...

So here I am at college!!! Things are great, the weather is beautiful, the people are sweet, and the music is...amazing. Now you should know that college isn't perfect. I'm feeling alot of things that I sort of expected and some I did not. The truth is I have alot of expectations for myself here. I am planning on working out (the freshman fifteen will NOT get me down!), being super involved, being amazing at music, developing study habits (since I have none), having straight A's, finding a church, being plugged into that church, never procrastinating, knowing everyone on campus, never getting lost, never being late to class, being great with money,writing great songs, never eating lunch by myself etc etc...I'm planning on being perfect. This is a time in my life where I can start over and be someone that I might've wanted to be but couldn't be...right? That's what everyone has told me. That this is the time to do things right. If I don't it could mean my future, my life, it could mean EVERYTHING. So shouldn't I shoot for the stars? Shouldn't I be that person? That person I've always wanted to be? The perfect person?... Well folks, college is great but it's no magic maker. Relocating to Nashville doesn't mean I will turn into Superwoman. The ugly truth is I am scared to death. I am scared to disappoint people. I'm afraid that I will never be enough. Sure I was great in Memphis, but I mean we have 2,479 people there. No offense but the competition wasn't all that fierce. Now I'm in Nashville taking this huge chance, wanting to prove to everyone that I wasn't crazy. I will be a rockstar...I want to make the people that love me proud instead of embarrassed that I'm here going for it! I want to do everything right so I don't let anyone (ESPECIALLY myself) down. Unfortunately...I know it's going to happen, I have this sense of dread just waiting for the sky to tumble down around me. I'm trying to write down all these things that I need to be on post its, because honestly I can't remember all of it. I'm looking around and I feel like throwing up. I can't win. I can't succeed. I CANNOT be perfect. I WILL FAIL!

How did I get to this? When did I start convincing myself that this was all on me, and if I didn't hold up the world around me it was all going to come crashing down around me? When did all of this become about me and people pleasing...

I will never be enough. I will never be perfect. And I will NEVER be able to please people. But I am not living in Nashville, Tennessee, at Belmont University for me or for people, I am here because this is where the God of Moses, the God of David, and the God of Jonah wants me. (I picked those people because striving to make it in the Christian Music Industry looks pretty small in comparison to separating the ocean, killing a giant with a slingshot, and being swallowed by a whale lol :) This puny, small town, creatively challenged little girl is in this world to bring glory to her huge unchanging God. The minute I start to live to please anything other than Him is the moment my world DOES start to crumble down. I can trust in Him. I know He did not bring me here for nothing. He has made plans for my good . He has made plans to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) I trust that God will mold me and make me into the human being He needs me to be in order to bring Him glory. He is faithful and He has promised to never forsake me.
He is holy, He is mighty, and He loves me. He led me here for my good, He desires for me to be satisfied and happy in Him. :)

I want to encourage you, wherever you are in life, to surrender. Give up. You will never make people happy and you will never be happy without God. God loves us and the only way we can be satisfied or fulfilled or at peace is in Him. He is unchanging. He is holy. He is there for the taking. :)


"My heart is steadfast oh God; I will sing and make music with all my soul. Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. I will praise you. O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted O God, above the heavens, and let your glory be over all the earth." Psalm 108:1-5
Lord let this be my prayer forever but especially in the next four years...